The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
