I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
