i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
