Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
