everyone is single if you try hard enough
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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