LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
