not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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