Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
