On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
