Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
