Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
