so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
