my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
