Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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