its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
