Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
