i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
