am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
