from now on my penis is your penis
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
