Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
