I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
