all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
