You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
