She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
