is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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