Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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