I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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