I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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