There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
