For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
