I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
