In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
