He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
