i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
