I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
