I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
