Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
