he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
