My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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