You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
