Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
