I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
