it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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