Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
