If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
