Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
God, I missed his penis.
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