He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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