Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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