dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
