i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
