Ambien. No doubt about it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
