never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So much Jack, so little girl.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
